Month 32 - Recap

My sweet boy,

Well lookie who turned into a little fish this month? Natalie took swimming lessons for two weeks, so we've spent a lot of time at the pool. It took you about 2.2 seconds to realize how fun the pool was (and just for the record: you still hate baths, you still hate the hose, you still hate the fountains). But in the pool? You couldn't be happier just paddling around the shallow end, blubbering the water and telling everyone who'll listen that Batman likes to swim. 

The big debate this month is whether to try to potty train you first or convert your bed to a toddler bed first. Natalie was a stubbornly late potty trainer and converting her bed to a toddler bed was a disaster of epic proportions, so I'm a little hesitant to do either. I know you won't go to college still wearing a diaper and sleeping in a crib (and if you do, that's between you and your college roommate), so it's not like I have to get either done this second. But still. Not supporting the Luvs industry anymore sounds pretty rad.

I so appreciate that you haven't learned to lie yet. You tell me flat out when you do something bad. Natalie will come running to me, saying that you poked her eye with your toy tractor. I'll come to you and ask "Charlie, did you poke your sister in the eye with your toy tractor?" You look at me with a be-dimpled smile and proudly say "Yep!" I talk to you about how we don't poke people in the eye (with a toy tractor or anything) and you (of course) ask "Why?" I explain to you how it hurts, how eyeballs are delicate, and how you have to keep your toys to yourself. (I often forget that I have to teach you the proper way to act. It makes sense to ME that you shouldn't poke someone in the eyeball, but I have to explain the specifics to you.) I see the lightbulb go off and you're all "Oh! Ok! I sowwy, Natty." Then you hug her. I make you guys hug after apologies. You've been driving Natalie up the wall recently, so you've given her a lot of hugs this month. 

It has come to my attention that you don't like looking handsome. Your hair can get pretty crazy after you wake up in the mornings, and while I don't do much to it during the week, Daddy makes it a point to tame your coif before we leave for church. From the other side of the house, I can hear you whining as Daddy wets your hair a bit (see above: hates all water except swimming pools) and combs the crazy away. He comments on how handsome you look and then I hear you pout-stomp (you have a distinct walk when you're a pouty-pants) down the hall towards me. You have a look of sheer disgust on your face as you say "I don't WIKE [like] wooking [looking] handsome. No handsome for me." You're the second most handsome fella I know, so whether with crazy hair or a well-groomed 'do, too bad for you.

Hugs and smooches,

Mommy & Daddy

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Headlines for July 8, 2014:

• Convicted Ex-New Orleans Mayor to Be Sentenced
• Hundreds Line up for Legal Pot Sales in Washington
• Dad Charged With Son's Hot Car Death Told Family How to Collect Life Insurance, Authorities Say
• Vials of Smallpox Virus Found in Unapproved Maryland Lab
• 22 Stranded for Hours on Six Flags Magic Mountain Ride

June 2014 - Recap

Oh my precocious little pumpkin,
You had your first swimming lessons this month. The pool is literally across the street from our house, so there's no reason why we shouldn't go. And I'm pretty insistent on you not drowning, so there's no reason why we shouldn't get you lessons. You were super pumped the day of your first lesson and it wasn't long before I realized this was going to a loooooong two weeks of lessons. Lots of things come easily to you, my precocious little peach. But, alas, swimming (or, more specifically, putting your face in the water without flipping your lid) does not. And because it does not, instead of practicing, you simply shrugged your shoulders and were all "Um, this is too hard. I'm not going to try." That went over with Daddy and me like a lead balloon. We don't care if you ever become an Olympic swimmer, we don't care if swimming isn't your life-long destiny, we don't care if it turns out you don't like swimming at all. We DO care if you give up. Which you will not. So we pressed on.

(Side note: the second I saw you give up, my mind fast-forwarded to this fall. I told Daddy "So yeah, I can't possibly homeschool her if she's going to give up at the first sign of something hard. I will most assuredly lose (what's left of) my ever-loving mind if she pulls that nonsense this fall, and I will throw her on the nearest school bus I see.")

We stayed at the pool after swim lessons most days so you could keep trying to put your face in the water. After three lessons, you were successful (and you got a Lego toy as Bribe #1). Then we moved on to trying to get you to put your whole head under the water. I pulled the Mean Mommy Card and refused to let you play in the water after your lessons until you went under the water. On the last day of your lessons, you unknowingly but safely and successfully submerged yourself in the water (you carefully stepped down into the deep end, toward your teacher, while wearing a life vest - but you had no idea that you'd go under the water). To say you were mad and freaked out would be an epic understatement. And after your lesson, you were dunked a few times by a friend of mine. To say you were mad and freaked would again be an understatement. But I swear it was those three times that made you realize that going under water wasn't fatal, because not 10 minutes after your last dunk, you held on to the hand rail at the shallow end and shoved yourself under the water (and you got an Elsa doll as Bribe #2). I usually don't make a habit of bribing you with toys to do something, but if I had to bust out a few bribes to get you to realize that giving up is NOT an option and working hard IS an (or, the only) option, so be it. Bribing you wasn't one of my proudest Mom Moments, but seeing the look on your face after you went under the water by yourself IS one of them.

You've been asking some wackadoo questions this month. This includes, but is not limited to:

• Have you ever been shocked by lightning?
• Have you ever gotten stuck in a cactus?
• Have you ever gotten eaten by a shark?
• Have you ever drowned?
• Have you ever fallen down a flight of stairs?
• Have you ever gotten stung by 100 bees?
• Have you ever gotten hit by a car?
• Have you ever fallen down a manhole?
• Have you ever fallen off a mountain?
• Have you ever broken a bone?
• Have you ever fallen into a fire?
• Have you ever hit your head with a hammer?

And every time I answer 'no' (except to the broken bone - yes, just one), you explain that your imaginary friend Eda ("Eeeda") has had all of those things happen to her. I keep trying to tell you to have Eda be more careful, that six-or-seven-or-eight-year-olds (or however old Eda is on a certain day) shouldn't be in situations where there is the potential to get stuck in a cactus or get eaten by a shark. I mean, where are these girl's parents?! Your answer is something along the lines of "I try to tell her, Momma, but that girl just doesn't listen!" It's a rough life, being your imaginary friend and all.

You've been dealing with a lot of Kid Injustice this month, and you're more than willing to express your displeasure. Waiting your turn? The NERVE. Sharing? The HORROR. Being patient? How can we ASK such things? Brushing your teeth? AGAIN? But we asked you to do it YESTERDAY! So while you've done more than your fair share at pouting this month, I'm pretty sure that it's just a phase. Because you weren't like this last month. Maybe the summer heat is affecting your ability to be patient and kind. I can't say I blame you. Florida Summers make me crabby, too.

You're now officially five-and-a-half. For months now, you've been talking about your birthday, making birthday present lists, and asking about particular decorations you want for your birthday (a pinata, pink plates, smiley face balloons, strawberry cake, etc). You love that you're only six months away from your birthday. To an adult, getting to the halfway point to a birthday doesn't usually register. But to a kid (or maybe just you?), the countdown is on. And your little party planner self is taking the reins. So party on, my peach.

Hugs and smooches,
Mommy & Daddy

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Headlines for July 1, 2014:

• Madeleine McCann Probers Interview 'People of Interest' in Her Disappearance
• KISS, Def Leppard Enlist 2 Veterans as Roadies
• Waffle House wants us to boycott Belgian waffles for Team USA in the World Cup
• Metal Fillings No More: Lasers Used to Rebuild Teeth
• Tropical Storm Arthur forms off Florida coast
• North Dakota coffee shop has no employees, uses honor system