Month 37 - Recap

OK. So you've been three for exactly a month. And you've pitched more fits in the past month than you did in the previous twelve months combined. I mean, come on. What's the DEAL?

You and Natalie have been racing a lot this month. Well, you've been 'racing' as long as you've been able to run, but you've been racing where there's an actual winner for only a few weeks. And, being three years shorter (I would get out my measuring tape to find the actual difference in your heights, but I just sat down with a steamy cup of coffee, so I'll just remain seated and estimate [using years and not inches, I know]), you often lose. And it's like a flip switched this month. Before, when Natalie won, it didn't even phase you. But now? It's the most Critical Level of Sadness and Agony, complete with Hysterical Stomping and Maniacal Screaming.

After church on Sundays, you and Natalie like to run down the hill toward the sidewalk. Before this month, you two would laugh gleefully as you ran down the hill, even though Natalie would always win. But this month? You two started out laughing gleefully, but after a nanosecond, you realized Natalie was faster than you, so you threw yourself on the hill, kicking and screaming because she made it to the sidewalk first. It's a good thing we're surrounded by sympathetic, Jesus-lovin' folks (who I'm sure have all dealt with public tantrums), because, dang. It's a tad bit (read: ginormously) unpleasant.

And yesterday at bedtime, Natalie went to the bathroom to brush her teeth. You were finishing up some Important Lego Building, so you were about two minutes behind her. When you were done, you ran to the bathroom and literally lost your ever-loving mind when you saw her standing on the stool, mid-brush. You two weren't even racing to the bathroom, but yet, there you sat, on the floor of the bathroom, in the Depths of Despair, because Natalie got to the bathroom before you. All I can say is just wait, dude, because give yourself a year or two, and you might smoke Natalie in a foot race. (Don't tell her I said that though.)

You spent the majority of this past month sleeping in Natalie's room due to the Epic Yellow Jacket Infestation 2014 (promotional t-shirts coming soon). You loved sleeping in her room (even if it was in a sleeping bag on her floor). She wasn't the biggest fan, mainly because she likes to have her own space, but I still appreciated her being such a good sport about it. I'm a younger sibling, so I get it - there's nothing cooler than an older sibling, and while we may come across as pester-y and annoying, that's the best way we know how to express our position of Number One Fan. You're back in your room now (much to your dismay and Natalie's relief), but that doesn't stop you from coming into her room and inviting yourself to play with her. And again, because I'm a younger sibling, I think that's totally acceptable for you to do.

You've had a finicky appetite this month. Things you usually like (yogurt, orange peppers, grilled cheese) have been largely ignored when on your plate. I refuse to cater 100% to your preferred diet of bread, string cheese, biscuits, chocolate, dinner rolls, bacon, cornbread, clementines, chicken nuggets, and apples - but goodness, I sure wish you'd expand your culinary preferences.

You call your piggy bank a 'piggy boink'. It's fall-out-of-my-chair precious.

Hugs and smooches,
Mommy & Daddy

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Headlines for December 9, 2014:

• Torture Report Reveals CIA's 'Brutal' Interrogation Tactics
• Precious Cargo: Woman Delivers Baby on Plane
• Prince William and Duchess Kate Charm New York on First Visit
• Ken Weatherwax, Pugsley from 'The Addams Family,' dies at 59
• Fire in downtown Los Angeles may have been intentionally set
• Wife of South African hostage killed in attempted rescue operation says she forgives

November 2014 - Recap

Well the big news this past month has been the unwanted visitors that took up residence just outside Charlie's room. Over the past few months, I've noticed several dead yellow jackets in his room. I was skeeved out, but honestly, I didn't think much of it. We live on a good-sized lot surrounded by woods, and I have a bad habit of leaving the front door open when I walk outside to the laundry room. I just figured they flew in then. A few weeks ago, Charlie said he wanted to take his nap on the floor instead of his bed. Since I'm not one to argue with the wacky requests of a three-year-old (especially if the end result is a nap), I was fine with it. Not long into his nap, he started fussing. This is fairly normal - he likes to complain about super-important things during naptime, namely his stuffed dog isn't positioned just so, his pillow isn't the right pillow, and/or his leg is sticking out from under his blanket. Critical stuff for sure. I go back to his room to check on him and he's on his side, scratching at his neck. As I'm walking toward him I hear the buzzing.

Does it sound like a horror movie yet? If not, just wait.

Anyway, I hear the buzzing, then I see there's a yellow jacket on his back. I'm a nanosecond too late and it stings him. I practically throw him out of his room and tell Charlie and you (who came to his room to see what the fuss was all about) to go to the playroom. I kill the yellow jacket and go check on Charlie.

I hope you two go through your whole life without having to take the stinger out of a howling three-year-old. It's quite unpleasant.

I spend the rest of the afternoon keeping a close eye on him. He's never been stung before and I had no idea if he was allergic or not. Thankfully he's not.

The next day, I found three more dead yellow jackets in his room. I flipped my lid and called our property management company. They recommended a pest control guy who, mercifully, was able to come by that afternoon. He was here for no less than 30 seconds before he found the nest right outside one of Charlie's bedroom windows. He shined his flashlight outside and I could see 50+ yellow jackets flying around the outside his window. It was so gross.

The pest control guy sprayed his magic dust stuff all over your window and left. I took a big sigh of relief and proceeded to fix dinner. I was in the process of flipping grilled cheese sandwiches (I'm a high-class chef, dontchaknow?) when a yellow jacket whizzed by me and landed on the kitchen cabinet above my head. I thought it was strange, but just whacked it with the fly swatter and went about my business. I turned around to hand you two your dinner when I saw five more yellow jackets walking along the kitchen floor toward me. I remained pretty calm as I simultaneously killed them and told you two to run to the playroom.

If it doesn't sound quite like a horror movie, keep reading.

As I watched you two go to the playroom, I looked down the hall and saw four more yellow jackets walking along the floor and three more climbing out from under Charlie's closed bedroom door. I knew what I was going to find, but I opened his door for a split second anyway. And in that split second I saw a bajillion (more than one yellow jacket constitutes a bajillion) yellow jackets - which will forever more be known as Lucifer's Insects [LIs, for short] - flying around his room and walking on the floor.

The LIs had found a hole in Charlie's room and they were all pouring into his room, trying to escape the poison. They were on his dresser, all over his rug, on his bed, climbing the walls. I slammed the door shut, shoved towels under his door, and suppressed the urge to puke.

HORROR MOVIE! HORROR MOVIE! HORROR MOVIE! HORROR MOVIE! HORROR MOVIE! HORROR MOVIE! 

Did I mention that Daddy happened to be out of town this day? I called him earlier in the day to tell him about the pest control guy coming, but now I called him for a different reason. I told him there was no way on God's green earth that I was going to stay in our house that night.

You, my emotional little doll, immediately burst into tears and dramatically told me that we should just move to a new house. You said you didn't care if we brought anything with us, that we just needed to move. I reassured you that we didn't need to move (though I did consider the idea for a moment), that we just needed the pest control guy to come back.

I called him and explained the horrors that were going on in Charlie's room. He came back within a few minutes, braved the room, found the hole, and sprayed his dust into the hole (and never got stung!). The pest control guy was so kind and talked to you as long as you needed to, to make sure you were okay. He even said if it were him, he wouldn't be worried about staying in our house that night. I laughed and politely said "That's really nice, but we're still leaving."

We gathered up the necessities and went to a hotel for the night. We couldn't check into our room without you telling the woman working the front desk every detail about our crazy night. Marianna hotels aren't hopping on a weekday night, so she had plenty of time to be a great listener to your epic tale of woe.

Daddy met us at the hotel an hour later, and you couldn't go to sleep without telling him every detail about our crazy night.

We headed home the next morning. Daddy decided to go into work late so he can help me clean up the LI carnage in Charlie's room. In my mind, the room would be littered with corpses and the story would end there. Except it doesn't.

We took everything out of his room to make it easier to clean. And then we see that NOT ALL OF LUCIFER'S INSECTS ARE DEAD. Half of the ones on the floor are still hobbling around. They're obviously on death's door but still. I don't care. That they're not all dead freaked me out. Stomping on all the dying ones was oddly satisfying.

Daddy got ready for work and I started the vaccuum and sucked up all the dead LIs. Just as I started to vacuum the rest of his room, an LI flies above my head. I didn't even take the time to turn off the vacuum; I dropped it, ran out of his room, and slammed the door.

Daddy found the (a?) LI and killed it. And not long after that, you burst into tears and told me there's a dying one in your room. I killed that one and I checked Charlie's room again. There were now three more dying ones in the middle of his floor. I'll admit - I had a hard time holding it together. I was sleep deprived (you and Charlie would rather play than sleep when you're at a hotel, and you, my darling, kicked your bedmate [me] all night) and freaked out that clearly the LIs aren't all dead.

I called the pest control guy again (we're besties by this point) and explain that there was at least one LI that wasn't dead or in the process of dying. And that we also found one in your room. The pest guy said he'd call our property management company to get a handyman to come and caulk all the holes in Charlie's room. He also stopped by the house to lay down fly paper along the window sills to see if there are any more stray LIs.

That night, we all camped out in the living room. I wanted to take up permanent residence at Fairfield Inn, but Daddy reassured me that as long as Charlie's door and your door are shut with towels shoved underneath, we would be fine.

The next day, the handyman came out and caulked up Charlie's room, your room, and the outside of all the windows in the house. We all camped out in the living room again that night. The next morning, the fly paper was LI free, but I still wasn't comfortable moving Charlie back into his room. So we brought a sleeping bag into your room and he stayed there that night.

Which brings us to present day. And Charlie's still sleeping in your room! He doesn't seem worried about LIs, so I don't think it's that he's scared of his room. But I think he just really likes being near you. And you don't seem to mind either! It's pretty adorable, if I do say so myself.

Though the other day you DID ask "Um, Mommy? Ummm ... when is Charlie going to go back to his room?" I told you it was up to you as to how long he'll stay. You said "Well, maybe before he turns four." Sounds like a plan to me.

Hugs and smooches,
Mommy & Daddy

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Headlines for December 1, 2014:

• US, Turkey reportedly close to agreement on joint mission against ISIS
• No bond for Georgia couple after boy missing for four years is found
• Common Core opposition has more parents teaching
• Man to Donate $14-Million Vegas Winnings to Charity
• Meet the Window Washers That Transform Into Superheroes for Sick Kids
• Family Might Expand for Couple Who Fostered 92 Kids