Does it sound like a horror movie yet? If not, just wait.
Anyway, I hear the buzzing, then I see there's a yellow jacket on his back. I'm a nanosecond too late and it stings him. I practically throw him out of his room and tell Charlie and you (who came to his room to see what the fuss was all about) to go to the playroom. I kill the yellow jacket and go check on Charlie.
I hope you two go through your whole life without having to take the stinger out of a howling three-year-old. It's quite unpleasant.
I spend the rest of the afternoon keeping a close eye on him. He's never been stung before and I had no idea if he was allergic or not. Thankfully he's not.
The next day, I found three more dead yellow jackets in his room. I flipped my lid and called our property management company. They recommended a pest control guy who, mercifully, was able to come by that afternoon. He was here for no less than 30 seconds before he found the nest right outside one of Charlie's bedroom windows. He shined his flashlight outside and I could see 50+ yellow jackets flying around the outside his window. It was so gross.
The pest control guy sprayed his magic dust stuff all over your window and left. I took a big sigh of relief and proceeded to fix dinner. I was in the process of flipping grilled cheese sandwiches (I'm a high-class chef, dontchaknow?) when a yellow jacket whizzed by me and landed on the kitchen cabinet above my head. I thought it was strange, but just whacked it with the fly swatter and went about my business. I turned around to hand you two your dinner when I saw five more yellow jackets walking along the kitchen floor toward me. I remained pretty calm as I simultaneously killed them and told you two to run to the playroom.
If it doesn't sound quite like a horror movie, keep reading.
As I watched you two go to the playroom, I looked down the hall and saw four more yellow jackets walking along the floor and three more climbing out from under Charlie's closed bedroom door. I knew what I was going to find, but I opened his door for a split second anyway. And in that split second I saw a bajillion (more than one yellow jacket constitutes a bajillion) yellow jackets - which will forever more be known as Lucifer's Insects [LIs, for short] - flying around his room and walking on the floor.
The LIs had found a hole in Charlie's room and they were all pouring into his room, trying to escape the poison. They were on his dresser, all over his rug, on his bed, climbing the walls. I slammed the door shut, shoved towels under his door, and suppressed the urge to puke.
HORROR MOVIE! HORROR MOVIE! HORROR MOVIE! HORROR MOVIE! HORROR MOVIE! HORROR MOVIE!
Did I mention that Daddy happened to be out of town this day? I called him earlier in the day to tell him about the pest control guy coming, but now I called him for a different reason. I told him there was no way on God's green earth that I was going to stay in our house that night.
You, my emotional little doll, immediately burst into tears and dramatically told me that we should just move to a new house. You said you didn't care if we brought anything with us, that we just needed to move. I reassured you that we didn't need to move (though I did consider the idea for a moment), that we just needed the pest control guy to come back.
I called him and explained the horrors that were going on in Charlie's room. He came back within a few minutes, braved the room, found the hole, and sprayed his dust into the hole (and never got stung!). The pest control guy was so kind and talked to you as long as you needed to, to make sure you were okay. He even said if it were him, he wouldn't be worried about staying in our house that night. I laughed and politely said "That's really nice, but we're still leaving."
We gathered up the necessities and went to a hotel for the night. We couldn't check into our room without you telling the woman working the front desk every detail about our crazy night. Marianna hotels aren't hopping on a weekday night, so she had plenty of time to be a great listener to your epic tale of woe.
Daddy met us at the hotel an hour later, and you couldn't go to sleep without telling him every detail about our crazy night.
We headed home the next morning. Daddy decided to go into work late so he can help me clean up the LI carnage in Charlie's room. In my mind, the room would be littered with corpses and the story would end there. Except it doesn't.
We took everything out of his room to make it easier to clean. And then we see that NOT ALL OF LUCIFER'S INSECTS ARE DEAD. Half of the ones on the floor are still hobbling around. They're obviously on death's door but still. I don't care. That they're not all dead freaked me out. Stomping on all the dying ones was oddly satisfying.
Daddy got ready for work and I started the vaccuum and sucked up all the dead LIs. Just as I started to vacuum the rest of his room, an LI flies above my head. I didn't even take the time to turn off the vacuum; I dropped it, ran out of his room, and slammed the door.
Daddy found the (a?) LI and killed it. And not long after that, you burst into tears and told me there's a dying one in your room. I killed that one and I checked Charlie's room again. There were now three more dying ones in the middle of his floor. I'll admit - I had a hard time holding it together. I was sleep deprived (you and Charlie would rather play than sleep when you're at a hotel, and you, my darling, kicked your bedmate [me] all night) and freaked out that clearly the LIs aren't all dead.
I called the pest control guy again (we're besties by this point) and explain that there was at least one LI that wasn't dead or in the process of dying. And that we also found one in your room. The pest guy said he'd call our property management company to get a handyman to come and caulk all the holes in Charlie's room. He also stopped by the house to lay down fly paper along the window sills to see if there are any more stray LIs.
That night, we all camped out in the living room. I wanted to take up permanent residence at Fairfield Inn, but Daddy reassured me that as long as Charlie's door and your door are shut with towels shoved underneath, we would be fine.
The next day, the handyman came out and caulked up Charlie's room, your room, and the outside of all the windows in the house. We all camped out in the living room again that night. The next morning, the fly paper was LI free, but I still wasn't comfortable moving Charlie back into his room. So we brought a sleeping bag into your room and he stayed there that night.
Which brings us to present day. And Charlie's still sleeping in your room! He doesn't seem worried about LIs, so I don't think it's that he's scared of his room. But I think he just really likes being near you. And you don't seem to mind either! It's pretty adorable, if I do say so myself.
Though the other day you DID ask "Um, Mommy? Ummm ... when is Charlie going to go back to his room?" I told you it was up to you as to how long he'll stay. You said "Well, maybe before he turns four." Sounds like a plan to me.
Hugs and smooches,
Mommy & Daddy
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Headlines for December 1, 2014:
- US, Turkey reportedly close to agreement on joint mission against ISIS
- No bond for Georgia couple after boy missing for four years is found
- Common Core opposition has more parents teaching
- Man to Donate $14-Million Vegas Winnings to Charity
- Meet the Window Washers That Transform Into Superheroes for Sick Kids
- Family Might Expand for Couple Who Fostered 92 Kids
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