Month 49 - Recap

My sweet boy,
Well, your first month as a four-year-old is much better than your first month as a three-year-old. You've been able to keep the whining to a minimum (read: only 49% of the day) so life has been pretty swell. You are still thoroughly obsessed with your bow and arrow (who am I kidding? We are all obsessed with it. It's the best.) and you can't get enough of that dang fart gun. You've perfected the art of when to use it, so secretly I'm high-fiving your comic timing. If Natalie is fussing at you or bossing you around, you'll simply hold up the gun to her face and fire away. Nothing puts a damper on bossiness like 20 seconds of nonstop flatulence noises. You've also come up to me with your hands behind your back, wearing your impossible-to-resist smile, and say "Mommy! I have a surprise for you!!!" And while I sometimes get dandelions from the front yard (heart = melted), most of the time you bring the gun around from behind your back and let 'er rip. It's so charming.

You're in full-on We Must Decorate All The Solid Surfaces in Our House for Christmas mode. You and your sister are like two peas in a pod. Whenever we go to the store, you two will point out all the things I HAVE to buy to decorate for Christmas. If it were up to you two, our front lawn would be covered with blow up a Rudolph, Santa in an outhouse (real cute, Walmart), and Olaf. And inside, our tree would be 12-ft tall and the floor would have to be reinforced after taking into account the weight of the millions of ornaments you two want to put on it. You love all the Christmas songs and the Christmas shows on TV. You have, however, noticed that the weather is anything but Christmas-like. It's in the 70s this week. Yes it's gorgeous, yes the humidity is low, yes if this were as hot as it EVER got, I'd be a happy camper. But it's DECEMBER. Get with the program, weather.

Speaking of Christmas, you like to investigate all the presents under the tree to see if you can figure out what they are. You've already figured out a Lego set (but I told you that you were wrong). You're really confused by the underwear (oh yes, I went there. I wrapped a pack of underwear. [It's part of the Wear for your Want, Need, Wear, Read presents]) "What IS this? Is it a squishy book? Is it a weird stuffed animal??"

You know which package is your Christmas jammies - you're really excited about them. As well you should be. They're the cutest jammies EVER. I bought you and Natalie matching (well, matching-ish - yours are blue, hers are pink) jammies. They have abominable snowmen all over them and the shirt has a big one that says "Yeti for bed!" Not very Christmassy, per se, but still, totally adorable. You'll probably realize when you're older that some things you do for your children are solely for your children. And some things you do for your children are actually not for your children at all. They're purely for you and your wife's amusement.

Hugs and smooches,
Mommy & Daddy

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Headlines for December 9, 2015:

• SoCal terrorists likely forged bond in online jihadist forums
• Accused Colo. Planned Parenthood shooter shouts in court 'I'm guilty'
• Girl Who Lost Family in Fire Only Wants Christmas Cards as Presents
• Cop's Wife Caught on Video Stealing Packages From Neighbor's Porch
• 'Star Wars: The Force Awakens': How Harrison Ford Mentored the New Cast Members
• Beneath the Mona Lisa Lies a Second Portrait, Scientist Claims

November 2015 - Recap

My sweet girl,

We put up the Christmas tree a few days ago. It tickles me to no end to see how excited you and Charlie get each time we unwrap the ornaments for the tree. "Oh, I remember this snowman!" and "Look how cute this bear is!" and "We need more glittery ones!" (I'll give you zero guesses as to who said that). And I'm also tickled how it doesn't bother you at all that our tree is on the thin side (when you only pay $50 for a tree, you only get $50 worth of nylon needles) or that your momma has zero talent when it comes to decorating a Christmas tree (deco mesh and ribbon and extra garland all intimidate me). You love the tree and everything about it.

You've been writing a lot of stories recently. You wrote a story about a group of mermaid friends ("A Mermaid Tale") and one about robots ("Robots, Robots Everywhere!"). That one was for Charlie. You're currently working on a series of stories about a little girl named Penny Nichols (cute, no?). In the first story, Penny's puppy Spot gets stolen by a bad guy. Spoiler alert: Penny rescues Spot and all is right with the world.

In addition to writing stories, you've also been doing other writing. Like writing paragraphs about Why I Shouldn't Pout and Sigh When I Don't Get My Way. Pouting and sighing have become your go-to response for everything that doesn't fall in line with what you think should happen (which lately seems to be everything). So I made you write about why that wasn't a good option. One of the lines in the paragraph was "I shouldn't pout when I don't get my way because I am not the queen of the world." Stick that in the ol' memory bank, my girl. It'll serve you well for years to come.

Daddy recently put up our basketball goal and lowered it to the lowest setting. The weather has been really nice lately so you spend a lot of time every day practicing your shots. But instead of a basketball, you use a kickball. This is for several reasons. 1) it's lighter so you can throw it higher, 2) you often miss and I don't want my car full of basketball-shaped dents, and 3) you often miss and I don't want your head full of basketball-shaped dents. You don't like to lose and if you're losing, you'll say "Let's pause the game and play something different for right now." But if you're winning, we'll play for hours.

In addition to basketball, you've also been on a Coyote and Road Runner kick lately. Like, it's pretty much All Meep-Meep, All the Time in our house. You and Charlie can't get enough of their antics, despite every episode being exactly the same. As annoying as I find this cartoon, it has brought up some interesting conversations about safety.

You: Rocket-powered roller skates would be pretty dangerous, huh Mommy?
Me: Yes indeed. Don't ever put rockets on roller skates.
You: Okay.
Me: And don't drop an anvil on anyone's head.
You: Well, sure. That'd be terrible.
Me: And gravity's a real thing. Like, if you run off a cliff, you'll fall to the ground. You won't suspend in mid-air and then have the ability to scamper across the sky to the safety of land.
You: Gravity's totally a thing! Momma, I get that it's a cartoon and that it's pretend. I promise I'm not going to call up Acme and order all their crazy stuff.

Not ordering rocket-powered roller skates or anvils. I'd call that a parenting success.

Hugs and smooches,
Mommy & Daddy

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Headlines for December 1, 2015:

• Authorities say University of Chicago threat vowed revenge for black teen's shooting
• Minnesota couple slips $500G check into Salvation Army kettle
• Burglar stuck in chimney dies after homeowner lights fire
• Family of Terror Suspect Insists He Didn't Help Paris Attackers
• Royal Renegade Prince Harry: 'I'm Much Cooler Than My Big Brother'