Month 39 - Recap

Well. We've reached a momentous milestone, my boy. I made it six years and two-and-a-half months before I had to make a call to Poison Control. Not bad, I say. Much like your sister, you like to dilly-dally in the bathroom. For some reason, in your mind, the short distance from the toilet to the stool at the sink (approximately 18") is long enough to warrant daydreaming. I haven't been three in a really long time, so maybe that's legit. Either way, it's not uncommon for you to be in the bathroom for a long time.

A few weeks ago, I went to check on you (after many many minutes in the bathroom) and you were standing at the stool about to put toothpaste on your toothbrush. I'm all for oral hygiene, but it was the middle of the morning, you had already brushed your teeth after breakfast, so I told you that you didn't need to brush your teeth right then. You looked bummed, but you handed me back the tube of toothpaste. And it felt lighter. A LOT lighter. I knew this because it was brand-stinkin'-new less than 24 hours ago.

Me: *looking all around the counter, the toilet, the trashcan - EVERYwhere - for the missing toothpaste*
Me: Buddy, where on Earth is all the toothpaste? This was a brand new tube!
You: I ate it, Mommy!
Me: Um, you WHAT?
You: I ate it! It was yummy!
Me: You can't EAT toothpaste!
You: What?
Me: NO! You can't eat it!
You: Really??
Me: Yes! It's not FOOD! You're not supposed to eat things that aren't food!
You: *looking as sad as if I just told you we had to get rid of all your Legos* Oh.

It's at this time where your well-intentioned sister hears our conversation, pops into the bathroom, and reads the toothpaste tube.

Natalie: But Mommy, it says right here that it's safe to swallow! So he's fiiiiiiiiiine. Relax, Mommy!
Me: It's safe each time he brushes his teeth. The serving size for the whole tube isn't ONE.
Me: *wondering why I'm trying to reason with a six-year-old*

So I talk to a nice man named Hugh at Poison Control. He assures me that since the toothpaste was fluoride-free, you would probably be fine. That the worst thing would be that your stomach would be upset.

BTW: Thanks for nothing, Elmo and your enticing Berry Blast.

In cuter news, I introduced you and Natalie to the movie Elf this past Christmas. You immediately loved it. And now, at bedtime, instead of giving me a simple "Love you, Mommy", you go full-on Buddy with "And guess what! I love you, I love you, I LOOOOOOOVE YOUUUU!" It's the best ever and wouldn't mind at all if you kept that up for the next 10 or 75 years.

Hugs and smooches,
Mommy & Daddy

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Headlines for February 9, 2015:

• White House: ISIS Fully Responsible for Kayla Mueller's Death
• Wrong-Way Crashes: Could a $300 Sign Stop Killer Wrecks?
• Measles Outbreak Grows to 122 Cases Across 18 States
• Kanye West Slams Beck's Album of the Year Win at the Grammys
• 'Better Call Saul' debut breaks cable ratings records
• Brian Williams’ rescue plan crumbles as friends plead for mercy

January 2015 - Recap

My future snaggle-tooth,
You have at least five loose teeth (two on top, three on bottom) in your mouth. One is so loose (how loose is it?), it'd probably fall out if you sneezed hard enough. You're simultaneously delighted and horrified at the thought of one of your teeth coming out. And Daddy and I are 100% delighted by your reaction when we tease you incessantly about the ways we can pull your tooth out for you. You squeal and shriek and run away from us whenever we mention a string and a door.

And I've found another reason why I'm glad we homeschool. It was made aware to me that the Tooth Fairy has raised her rates considerably since I lost my baby teeth. And apparently, it's not uncommon for the Tooth Fairy to pay out anywhere from $10-$20 (and up!) per tooth. But that's for the Public School Tooth Fairy. And the Smith Academy of Periodic Learning and Constant Singing, the Tooth Fairy doesn't wish to participate in that payment plan. The SAPLCS Tooth Fairy prefers single-digit payouts. Like, you'll be lucky to get $5 for your first tooth. And maaaaaybe $1 for each additional tooth. Because who wants to spend a the equivalent of a car payment on a heap of enamel? Not THIS Tooth Fairy.

You've wanted to learn cursive for years. The rule was that you had to (re)learn how to hold your pencil correctly and consistently form all of your letters the proper way before we'd do cursive. Now you do, so we started cursive last week. You've written "fancy letters" (your term, not mine) for a while now. If you had a massive crush on a cute boy, I'd imagine that's the kind of writing you'd do when you put his last name with your first name. (Note: this is not allowed to happen for another ten years). It's very flowery and cutesy. And it's also how you think real cursive is. So it came a big shock to you when I showed you how cursive As were not, in fact, written with 18 loops and swirls, complete with a smiley face and a flower. Traditional cursive As are, in fact, pretty plain and do not, contrary to (un)popular opinion, have or need bedazzling. Needless to say, we're still working on As and Bs. Not decorating the letters is difficult for you, but I've been impressed with your restraint. Although you did sneak in eyes and a nose when you wrote the tail (the smile) part of the cursive capital B. Cute, definitely. Correct, not so much.

I'm astonished at the degree to which you both Dilly and Dally. If it were an Olympic Sport, you'd bring home gold, silver, bronze, AND the Thanks for Participating medal. You're six. You don't wear makeup. You don't do anything to your hair except spray some detangling spray in it and periodically run a brush through it. But you're in the bathroom for an incredible number of minutes. Waaaaay more minutes than it should take someone to go to the bathroom and wash her hands.

And you don't have an abnormally large number of teeth, nor are your teeth abnormally large. But it takes you eons to brush your teeth. Wait - I take that back. It doesn't take you long to brush your teeth. It's the prep work that goes into the teeth brushing process that's so time-consuming.

Did you know there exists no rule that states you must have the precise amount of water in your cup before starting to brush your teeth? You'll spend minutes trying to find the perfect amount of water.

Fill up your cup
Check the level
Discover there's too much water
Dump a little out
Oops, that was too much
Fill it up some more
Pour out a bit
Take a few sips.
Fill the cup back up to replace what you drank.

And then ... THEN comes the one woman Broadway show. You sing, you dance, you make wild faces in the mirror. And only after you've sung your grand finale, can you begin to clean your teeth. I'm hoping you lose these five teeth soon, so maybe that'll shave off a few minutes of your hours-long bathroom routine.

Hugs and smooches,
Mommy & Daddy

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Headlines for February 1, 2015:

• Super Bowl 2015: Tickets Priciest in History ($4K+)
• Japanese prime minister 'infuriated,' by journalist's beheading, vows to hold ISIS responsible
• Justin Timberlake confirms wife Jessica Biel's pregnancy with cute pic
• Comet Lovejoy Glows as It Swings Around the Sun
• Robot Learns Moves by Watching YouTube Videos