Month 50 - Recap

50 months old. That makes me giggle. And it makes me think about the funny parents who refer to their children's ages in months-form even after the child is older than two. "Oh my son? Yes, he's 31 months old. And my daughter is 44 months old. I also have a pair of twins who are 127 months old."

Christmas has come and gone and you are now the proud owner of a Nerf gun and approximately 7,000 spare darts/bullets. The joy that this toy brings you is only rivaled by the joy brought by your bow and arrow. Nothing in our house is safe ... except me. Because "No Hitting Mommy" became The Rule of the Utmost Importance the moment you opened the package. You spend much of your time indoors protecting Natalie and me from the droves of bad guys who seem to hide in our house.

I hung up some paper lanterns to decorate for Natalie's birthday and it took you less than a second to realize they make excellent targets for your beloved Nerf gun. While we were eating lunch in the kitchen, you scooted away to the living room. The next thing I hear is you belly-laughing as you launched a full-scale attack on the lanterns. Natalie quickly put down her hot dog and joined the assault. These poor lanterns didn't stand a chance. And Daddy may or may not have modified one of the Nerf darts with a thumbtack and shot at the party balloons. It may or may not have been a brilliant idea.

You came up to the me the other day looking really distressed. I asked you what was wrong and, hand to heaven, this is what you said:

You: I weally [really] need to find a wife.
Me: Um, like, now? This year? This month? This week? In 15 minutes?
You: *dramatic sigh* I don't know. I'm just worried I won't find a wife. And then I won't be able to have kids. And then I won't be able to be a daddy.
Me: Trust me, kiddo. You'll find a wife.
Me: *to myself* Cuz with those dimples?! I'm going to probably have to beat some girls off with a stick. Not that I'm biased or anything.
You: But what if I don't?
Me: Well, it's okay to not be married. But I have a feeling you will be. And plus, I'm already praying for your wife.
You: You're WHAT?
Me: Yep. Already praying for her!
You: That's funny.
You: *not two seconds later* Hey Natalie! Let's go shoot the lanterns again!!!
Natalie: YES!!!

Dear Future-Daughter-in-Law-of-Mine,  

I certainly hope you can find joy in the silly things in life, like shooting paper party decorations with foam bullets. But I assume you will. Because I assume that'll be one of the first things that brings you and my sweet be-dimpled boy together.

Hugs and smooches,
Mommy & Daddy

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Headlines for January 9, 2016:

• New Iowa Poll Shows Ted Cruz and Donald Trump in Tight Battle
• 'El Chapo' in Solitary Confinement as Lawyers Fight His Extradition to US
• Powerball Jackpot Is Now $1.4 Billion
• Ringling Circus Elephants to Retire in May
• Musician David Bowie Dead at Age 69
• MADD Petition Demands 'Affluenza' Teen Be Moved to Adult Court

2015 - Year End Review

Well lookie here, Miss You're-Now-a-Whole-Hand-Plus-a-Peace-Sign-years old. This has been a funny, silly, emotional, dramatic, and blessing-full year. As per the ushe (uzhe? you-zhe? Seriously, how do you spell this?), here are your Top 10 Lists ...

Top 10 Things You Love:

1. All things artistic (drawing, coloring, painting, etc)
2. Singing
3. Gymnastics
4. Writing stories
5. Reading
6. Playing basketball 
7. America's Funniest Home Videos, Phineas and Ferb, and Road Runner
8. Church
9. Lauren Daigle, MercyMe, Francesca Battestelli
10. Folding towels for $0.50

Top 10 Things You Don't Love:

1. Avocados, sweet potatoes, beans, nuts, Cheez-Its, Larabars 
2. Waiting your turn to talk. The moment you have a thought, it immediately comes out of your mouth.
3. Sleeping in. You're not an early riser but you're not a sleeper-inner either
4. Jeans
5. Being sweaty 
6. Being aggravated by Charlie (which is unfortunate, because aggravating you is one of his most favorite things ever)
7. Getting something wrong. You're ridiculously hard on yourself, you give yourself zero grace, and you feel like you should master all new concepts within two minutes. And if you don't? Well clearly you'll never get it and you should totally cry and pitch lots of fits. Cuz that always works. 
8. Unkindness. You have an enormously sensitive heart.
9. Automatic toilets. You love going to the bathroom in a stall by yourself but nothing makes you turn around on your heels faster than seeing a handle-less toilet. You practically hyperventilate the entire time you're on an automatic toilet, convinced the toilet paper I'm using to cover the sensor will not do its job and the toilet will spontaneously flush. 
10. Untwirly dresses

Top 10 Things You're Good At:

1. Math
2. Emptying the dishwasher
3. Ordering folks around (whether or not people listen is another thing, but you do a bang up job at the ordering around thing)
4. Singing. You can carry a tune fairly well.
5. Drawing. I know you're only seven, but you're a pretty good little ar-teest.
6. Going across the monkey bars
7. Making cards and signs for people (you love making anything from birthday cards to "I'm Sorry Your Head Hurts, Mommy" to Yay, "It's Pizza Friday!" signs to put on the front door for Daddy to see when he comes home from work)
8. Keeping secrets about gifts. You really enjoyed knowing what Charlie was getting for his birthday and for Christmas. I think it made you feel grown up. So I happily obliged and took you shopping with me for his presents. You never once spilled the beans. (Charlie, on the other hand, makes it his life's mission to spoil surprises.)
9. Doing a backwards roll. (I only include this because you tried for months to do one in gymnastics and you just couldn't get your brain and your legs to work together. Then, lo and behold, a few days ago, you did it. And now, you do a backwards roll like a boss.)
10. Talking to adults. 

Top 10 Things You're Not Good At:

1. Brushing your entire head of hair. You're a pro at about 70%. And that 70% is smoooooth. But the other 30%? A family of squirrels could happily make their home in those tangles.
2. Minding your own beeswax. If Mommy and Daddy are talking, you demand to know every detail of said conversation.
3. Speaking Spanish. It's been many years since I took Spanish in high school, but I do remember distinctly that "Fleeb flop floob" is not Spanish for 'I love you', despite your insistence.
4. Deviating from your bedtime routine. Let's just say that Charlie has the nerve to brush his teeth first (I know, right?). Instead of doing something productive and bedtime-related (like going to the bathroom or getting your jammies on), you'll sit on the edge of the tub and wait for him to finish brushing his teeth. You can't budge from your brushing-your-teeth-going-to-the-bathroom-getting-jammies-on pattern without a serious breakdown. Most of the time, it's not a big deal. Charlie the Flexible doesn't care in what order he does his stuff, but there are those times where he gets to the sink first and I walk you through the process of deviating from your routine. I have a 100% success rate and you have a 100% crying rate. 
5. Speaking in a normal volume. I worry you feel everyone has a hearing problem.
6. Reading directions on a worksheet and not immediately declaring that "I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT THIS SAYS." Reading instructions two times (or three, four, or twelve) times is not something you prefer. You prefer to read them once then promptly have a meltdown. It's so cute. *eyeroll*
7. Coming up with ideas for what to draw or what to write about. This has been on your Top 10 Things You're Not Good At for several years and it continues to be hard for you. What's funny (aggravating?) is that you want to be fed ideas but you rarely like the ideas I come up with. I'm just going to start suggesting really awful things to force you to come up with something better. 
8. Differential Equations
9. Sitting still on the couch. You are the squirmiest and flippy-floppiest child I've ever seen. "Snuggling" with you isn't so much as "snuggling" as it is "the five-second respite in between position changes"
10. Sleeping gracefully. Arms spread out. Feet hanging off the bed. Mouth wide open. 

Becoming a parent is inherently humbling. The "I'll never do THAT when I'M a parent"-isms quickly turned into "Aw, snap. I'm doing THAT. Aaaaaaaand ya know what? I'm really okay with it." And the whole "My kid will NEVER act like that!" thing quickly turned into a "Wow. My kid can be a little punk." thing. God is so funny.

It's also hard to see the qualities I'm most self-conscious about be front and center in my child's personality. I guess I had these notions of grandeur that you'd somehow luck out and be everything I didn't think I was when I was younger - cool, confident, and easy-going. But God knew better than to bless me with that kind of child. He knew I needed to be changed and molded so he blessed me with a child who mirrored myself so clearly. So the only thing I could do - can do - is turn to Him and ask for heaps and loads of grace and mercy.

Please don't misunderstand that paragraph, my precious girl. You are exactly what I need and everything I want. You are made perfectly and wonderfully in His image. However, I need to be challenged so I don't get lazy. I need to be humbled so I don't get proud. I need to be weak so I won't count on my own strength.

I needed a girl who wants so desperately to understand and master new concepts the first time. Because that kind of bananas mentality is the exact same time of bananas mentality her momma possesses. So one of my many prayers is that the Lord softens my heart to your ill-fated desire towards Mastery of All The Things and simultaneously strips away my similar desire.

I needed a girl who had big, confusing emotions because it made my big, confusing emotions have a partner-in-crime.

I needed a girl who would be enormously responsible at a young age because there have been numerous days where headaches have left me all but incapacitated. I'm able to take a nap and you take on the maturity of someone twice your age by turning off the TV after watching one more show with Charlie. Then you let Charlie spend Quiet Time in your room while I sleep and you two play quietly for a few hours. When I wake up, I can count on a beautifully drawn Get Well Soon, Momma card to be the first thing I see. My headaches cause me so much frustration, but it's only a fraction of the frustration I would feel if you weren't able to be trusted to watch over Charlie while I slept. Even as I type this, the tears are falling because God is so good. He's so GOOD, baby girl.

I pray you feel His goodness and His unending love for you, because every time I look at you, I'm reminded of His unending love for me. And His epic sense of humor.

Hugs and smooches,
Mommy & Daddy

December 2015 - Recap

My love,
You're seven today. Halfway to fourteen. A third of the way to 21. A fourth of the way to the age I was when you were born. Dude.

You finally conquered your Mt. Everest, also known as a backwards roll. After months of backward roll-less gymnastics classes, you figured out how to get your legs to cooperate. And it was a glorious sight. I have to admit, I enjoy watching you struggle at something you really want to figure out. Watching you struggle at folding gigantic bath towels is one thing (albeit a funny thing). Watching you struggle at word problems is another thing (albeit a good character-building thing). But watching you struggle at something totally voluntary is something completely different. You practiced so much at home, determined to figure out how to do it. And one day at class, you did. Hopefully this will convince you that struggling through things is not, in fact, fatal.

Christmas is so rad with kids. There can never be too many Christmas lights, too many sprinkles on Christmas cookies, too many Christmas carols, or too many Christmas decorations. You and Charlie wanted to cram as much Christmas stuff into our days as humanly possible. And God bless your sweet little self, because there were many days where I forgot to do my Official Christmas Duties.

You: Mooooommmmmmm! You forgot to hide Sam [our Elf on the Shelf ... we don't do Santa, so Sam doesn't have any Santa responsibilities. My job is just to hide him each night and you guys find him each morning. You would think that wouldn't be a problem. You'd be wrong.]
Me: I know. I forgot.
You: But you forgot the past four days!
Me: Well, yes. That's true. Maybe Sam just likes it behind the picture frame.
You: Mooommmmmm! That's not how to play! You're supposed to put him in a different spot!
Me: Sometimes I have to make the choice between providing you with clean underwear and clean dishes or a new Where's Sam? game.
You: Oh, well, thanks. I'll hide him for Charlie then.

You: Moooooommmmmmm! We forgot to make Christmas cookies!!!!!!!
Me: *thinking* Oh snap. I don't have the time to do homemade cookies. And isn't that, like, a law for Christmas? Aren't I supposed to cover my kitchen in flour and powdered sugar and tra-la-la in and amongst the dirty bowls and messes and twirl about making lasting memories with my precious children? This Mom Guilt struggle is real.
Me: *out loud* Oh look! I have these break-apart-some-pre-portioned-cookie-dough-blobs-and-bake-them cookies! Let's throw these in the oven and then y'all can drown them in sprinkles.
You: THIS IS THE BEST EVER!

Grace. Kids are just chock full of it.

Appreciation. This momma is just chock full of it towards Pillsbury and its products geared towards last-minute mommas.

Hugs and smooches,
Mommy & Daddy

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Headlines for January 1, 2016:

• Natalie Cole Dies at 65
• San Diego Twins Born in Different Years: New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day
• Attorney denies report that 'affluenza' teen had gun
• Researchers Fly a Drone Using an Apple Watch
• Kim Jong Un Says North Korea Is Ready for War if Provoked